Friday, May 9, 2008

Blooming as a Mother

With Mother’s Day approaching on Sunday I began to reflect on how I have grown as a Mother. When Wacky Zacky was born I had never changed a diaper and had no real experience with infants. I didn’t know what to expect and was scared out of my mind. Two babies later I feel like an old pro. I can change a diaper in seconds and get smoothly in and out of tight spaces with a double side-by-side stroller. Learning to be a mother hasn’t always been easy but the joys have definitely outweighed the challenges. While reflecting on the past two years I came across an email that actually made me laugh out loud. It was a parenting readiness test. It had 13 tests and I wanted to share just a handful of them with you.

Test 1 - Feeding a baby

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into
the swaying melon while pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Before having kids I had no idea how hard it would be to feed a baby. I guess all the cute bibs are not just a fashion statement but are meant to be used! Luckily Wacky Zacky can feed himself but Zany Janie still needs help. She has mastered the karate chop and loves to whack the spoon when I least expect it.

Test 2 - Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8 to 12 lbs, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down; set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
11. Keep this up for 5 years.
12. Look cheerful.

NOTHING could have prepared me for how hard it would be to deal with the nights! Wacky Zacky was an every two hour eater around the clock for 7-8 months! My body did adapt and by the time Zany Janie arrived I didn’t have as much of a problem. I was definitely fooled into thinking babies sleep all the time. Any new baby I saw in public seemed to be sound asleep. What I didn’t know was that they sleep all day and party all night!

Test 3 - Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'mommy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each mommy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

While in the car Wacky Zacky loves to say, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY, MMMMOOOMMMMMYYY!” When I give him my full attention he will say “Hi!” and look out the window only to do it again when I turn back around. It is a very fun game especially when on a long car ride!

Test 4 - Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jelly onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor & leave it there.

For those of you that knew me pre-babies know that I had a touch of OCD when it came to messes. I constantly cleaned the house and clutter really got my heart rate up! The best treatment for it was to have two kids. I still keep a clean house but it’s nothing compared to what it was like before kids. I can spend 4 hours cleaning the house and the kids can tear it up in 40 seconds flat!

So next time you see someone with food on her clothes, dark circles under her eyes, and looks to be on the brink of going crazy be nice to her, she's probably a Mom! Be good to your mom on Mother's Day!

Zany thought of the day: I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes: "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."


SpottedCow said...

Thanks for the laugh. I do NOT miss the toddler years with my kids. 3 kids in 3 1/2 years...the last two exactly a year apart to the day...shall we say there was no rest for the weary? I became an expert at 2 minute showers to avoid disaster striking the house.

Patti said...

I'm laughing so hard the tears are rolling down my cheeks! Thank you for bringing back so many wonderful (in retrospect) memories!

A Keeper's Jackpot said...

Ha ha, that's great. I think I'll bookmark this one in case I change my mind about being a crazy cat mom :)

All men should be required to read this too :)

Kristin Saegaert said...

Thanks for the wonderful laugh! You are spot on! My 3 kids and 1 dog have definitely taught me to be a bit less OCD about house cleaning too. I enjoyed your post! Nothing has taught me more about being a better person than having kids though, huh?!

Stormy Designs said...

LOL too funny! Thanks for participating!

Anonymous said...

Love the image of the watermelon swinging and the cornflakes spoon--ain't that the truth! Very funny :)

Doodlesprouts said...

That is such an awesome post!!! Loved it. Thanks so much for the laugh :D